Legalizing The Stupid Slap

Or, how to honor and brand the foolish folk in everyday life!

Regardless of how DEEP I am into the research, investigation, studies and application of higher learning principles, I’m still a hard-edged REALIST at heart.

And that means, regardless of how evolved, on the path, or conscious someone thinks they are (Yours truly included), it doesn’t excuse them from being called out on how stupid they are, either.

I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that some people, even if they say otherwise (or insinuate by what they “do” — i.e., read self-growth books, listen to podcasts, attend seminars, etc.), just ain’t comfortable with themselves.

Heck, we’re all familiar with the kind of personality who loves to be miserable — ya know, the person who constantly gets in their own way, majors in minor things, and wallows in self-pity.

But what about that “other” kind that is never too far away from the spotlight switch?

They’re easy to spot if you see them for what they are (attention seekers). But, oftentimes they do indeed come disguised under the veil of a) having a bad case of victim-itis or b) unaccountable incompetence.

Of course, when it comes to a), the common example we seasoned online publishers (sans the ‘Marketer’ label) shake our heads at, and blow off steam through BIG belly laughs at, is this one:

“Stop spamming me. I don’t know how you got my email,” or “Unsubscribe me now or I’ll _____” (usually some misguided threat of telling our ISP or domain provider how bad we are).

But, in both cases, you can easily see how they bleed into b) unaccountable incompetence.

So, what ta do, what ta do, what ta do ? :)….

Uhmmmm, as I ponder what would hold somebody accountable for their own actions online (i.e., subscribing to an opt-in form — after all, the Easter Bunny didn’t put their email into the form) or inability to click on an unsubscribe link that is listed at the bottom of all broadcast emails for a reason… one name, and one name only, comes to mind:

Bill Engvall

If you’re not familiar, he’s one of the comedians that was part of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour (2000 to 2006).

He’s famous for saying, “Here’s Your Sign.”

It’s the umbrella term for a recurring setup of Engvall’s, in which Engvall declares people who ask questions to which the answers should, he feels, be obvious, to be stupid.

With the tagline, “Here’s Your Sign”, Engvall then metaphorically gives these people a sign proclaiming their stupidity to the general public.

Back in the day (2006 to 2011), whenever we’d get a support ticket from people that ask / comment on things like, “I don’t know how to open a PDF,” or “Your link isn’t clickable,” or “Can the Law of Attraction work for me and bring me wealth, even if I have a problem bouncing checks?” or “I see a few spelling mistakes in your email…It begs the question, is there sloppiness in other areas of your business?”…

… Bill Engvall’s introduction to his original “Here’s Your Sign” schtick puts a smile on my face.

It goes like this:

Introduction:

I just hate stupid people.

They should have to wear signs that just say “I’m stupid.”

That way you wouldn’t rely on them, would you?

You wouldn’t ask them anything.

It would be like, “Excuse me… oops, never mind…I didn’t see your sign.”

Example 1:

It’s like before my wife and I moved from Texas to California. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and says, “Hey, you moving?”

Nope.

We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week. Just to see how many boxes it takes.

Here’s your sign.

Example 2:

We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house, drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then goes, “Damn, that’s hot!”

See…

If he’d been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.

So, it occurred to me, if Bill’s sign idea works for folks who throw out absent-minded questions to which the answer should be already known to them, we gotta have something a tad more intense for people who DO, SAY, and THINK stupid things.

Call it The Stupid Slap policy.

A worldwide legalized right to verbally slap somebody silly who constantly gets in their own way, continues to stink up the air with recurring habits of lack and self-inflicted incompetence, or needs their ego fed through continual attention.

But, if anybody asks a stupid question, we can’t slap, only give out signs (’cause, as our 2nd grade teachers have told us since the dawn of time, there really are no stupid questions, right?… er, or maybe I should revisit that idea too).

Anyway, so, here’s a few examples of people that would qualify to receive The Stupid Slap:

🤚 The person who tells you how to run your business, gives out unsolicited advice about why you should change sales copy to make it more bearable to read, or equates the concept of something-for-nothing with Godliness. [related: Rich Hippies Ruin Everything]

In the days when I was a self-professed Metaphysical Marketing Mad-hatter, there was ALWAYS some soft-sauce sensitive soul that felt we should a) have spoke in a certain “spiritual” way, b) sought to not incite controversy, or c) kept everything “love and light” clean.

🤚 The student protesters at Northwestern University who cried foul to their campus newspaper because they felt “re-traumatized” due to the newspapers post-coverage of a live event held on campus. The event? A speech by former Trump official Jeff Sessions.

So one of the most prestigious journalism schools in the country published an editorial promising that if a news event could be ‘triggering’ to the snowflakes, it just won’t be reported.

Simon Black makes a point on this:

Past generations were traumatized by fighting in the Vietnam War, or having police dogs sicced on them while marching for equal rights.

All it takes for these snowflakes to be traumatized is a newspaper article about a man who has differing political opinions.

🤚 To anyone who makes up and/or endorses gender-competitive / divisive words. Eh, say like “Mansplaining.” That term is about as rationally legit as the overly self-distracting and outwardly shame-focused phrase as “toxic masculinity.” [2-min clip]

As humans, we’re either focused and gearing-up our interests in compassion or cruelty; disgrace or respect; self-accountable behavior or blame and perpetrating judgement / aggression (whether repressed or expressed).

I’ve been on all extreme sides of each trait / behavioral spectrum. The biggest hard-won lesson is often the one that allows us to SEE, at any given moment, whether we are serving ourselves and others with aligned values, transparent motives, and the overall quest to awaken to greater and greater self-awareness as we roll through this short life.

I quit tilting at windmills (i.e., fighting imaginary evils or opponents) a few years ago. I’d advise anybody playing the role of Don Quixote with an adversarial “gender label” to do the same thing!

🤚 The author who labels herself as a Relationship Teacher when she’s gone through divorces and, even while she’s marketing her wares, still hasn’t figured out how to “stick” with a consistent, predictable, reliable, deep, meaningful relationship. Or, the mentor who labels himself as a Wealth Coach, when he still lives paycheck-t0-paycheck or seminar-to-seminar. As Larry Crane, founder of The Release Technique, told me during a personal call over a decade ago: “both of these caliber of teachers should be arrested.” I agree.

🤚 The person who spends four hours daily in front of the tube (T.V. — i.e., Electronic Income Reducer) when they have more opportunities than ever before to be an incredible ACTIVE participant in life.

And last put not least….

🤚 To those who advocated for the creepy pronoun (gender)-less mannequins I’m just noticing! Call me late to the Department Store “new normal” party, if you must. But it was only in November when I really noticed these face-featureless mannequins.

Is there this where we’ve come in western culture; a meet-the-needs-of-anyone-who-feels-misidentified place? Am I reading too much into these ‘in between’ standard “male” and “female” dummies?

NOTE: The picture above is from the “Women” lounge wear section. Guess the extraterrestrial offspring child was strategically placed to make it even more purposefully-ambiguous.

Alright, I digress.

Off to go play now…

P.S. Departing invite: But if you too have a “someone,” or a particular cultural oddity, that you’d like to bestow the Stupid Slap to, simply comment with your own additions to this mind-screwy fun.

aka, The Bear. Here I pass along off-the-cuff thoughts (some by others) about topics that fall under HEALTH, WEALTH, SELF. Message Me: www.barrygoss.com

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store